Afraid to Write and Speak

It was around December 30, 2016, I made one post of people who did me wrong and I was writing a list. I was thinking of Chris Jericho at the time. Everyone makes lists and I was writing my frustrations because I was expressing myself. My life was falling apart then. I didn’t expect cops to come to the house to hall me to the Crisis Unit on December 31, 2016. Raritan Bay Hospital now Hackensack Meridian the Orderlies left me in my own piss as I was screaming to be released from restraints. I was pissed off that I didn’t have a blood test one day at the hospital. I was jacked up on Levothroxine and drinking lots of Coffee My heart was racing that day. My life was ready to change and was changing.

I was being censored my passion for writing died that day. I was intimidated not to speak my mind and slowly I stopped writing. I didn’t have the heart for it. I had a friend who succeeded that I helped and I was happy, but deep down I wanted to be there again and I wasn’t. And I have been going through hell in every aspect of life and even ready to have panic attacks going places and even paying a bill in the store. Even having panic attacks near my family. I have faced anxiety and I suffer greatly and I need your help and your prayers and I go through my struggles at this time.

I know I would be called playing the victim role, but no one knows what I truly suffer. No one know what is going through my mind because I have remained silent to my pains. I have not been allowed to speak about my problems to anyone. And I have the anxiety that is going to destroy me possibly to death.

I am stressed and my voice needs to be heard. People threatened to silence me rather its orderlies or those that I love. I have to stand up and write again. and speak to be free.

I am stressed and I need that freedom and I need to live not to be afraid. Sometime you have to fight not to be afraid even if fear staring you in the face and you have to stare that fear in the face and sometimes you have to not let that fear drive you into the ground. And sometimes you have to live against the fear. People may think you are crazy and some people may feel you will fall apart. But as I said before. I will stand tall despite defeat. And I have been defeated, but my words are coming alive again.

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