When You Are Different

Sometimes I have high aspirations and dreams that no one will understand. Sometimes they understand, but they may never feel that way I do about the dream. I was in control of everything which I thought before, but was I? Was I? I’m not happy with how my life is going and I want to change it. I don’t want to settle with a life with mediocrity and I have lived a mediocre life. Others have made me feel mediocre, they would rather make me feel like a nothing. I would never forget the moments. Only one friend and an ex was there when I went to the hospital. However, last year I didn’t have one friend see me when I went to the hospital. Maybe I didn’t deserve that fate, but it happened.

Many not including me share this reality because we don’t want to conform to the norm. We want to be different. I have not seen Star Wars: The Last Jedi, but I plan on it. It is with Mark Hamill in it. Many don’t know he has fought depression most of his life and he has fought to live everyday. He didn’t have his long time friend Carrie Fisher because she passed away, but he agreed to do the role. He was wiser and I’m sure he acted his pain in the role. He went through the role as Robert Frost wrote he traveled the road less traveled by others.

When chaos is all around you how do you keep your balance, when they wage war on every aspect and sure it may be physical but it is spiritual. In his pain, he acted the role. In his pain, he interpreted what it was to be the Last Jedi.

What makes him different is he stood the test of time and as broken as he was, he stood tall, and he didn’t let his brokenness defeat him and he fought despite everything that had past him and showed an example of what a Jedi should be.

He showed courage to play the role. He was different. And as many times as he fell, he didn’t let defeat get to him and he battled through life’s scars to get to where he was. In a way we are all fighting our lives battle scars.

Some may not travel that road and fall. Some may feel like they are not welcome, but know one’s battle can be an inspiration to someone. Know people may not make you feel welcome as we all face and people like me are left at a bar reading my old work looking for inspiration drinking water and having to go through my scars again and I was living them now and fighting the urge to drink because I was going down that route again.

Why would I go through my own pain at a bar to face the misery of who I was. I maybe different and I don’t ask for people to change, that is there choice. What I wish is to give people a reason to fight even if they have lost a battle. Maybe with my stories of pain could give inspiration for people not to give up their battles. These battles are real, sometimes being different can be very hard in life. However, if there is no inspiration, then there is no fight.

And sometime, love may defeat us many times, but we have to dust ourselves off and get back in the game. Sometimes we may not feel love is right but we need to get ourselves in the game. Sometimes we may have an illusion of something that reminds us of someone we want,  but we have to know that it’s on it’s way don’t lose faith. Love will leave you broke, Love will leave you in pain, Love will make you think, but was it love? and Was it Real? When your friends leave you first sign of a problems and want nothing to do with you because you did something wrong and not forgive you, were they your friends in the first place? Others would be willing to be there and keep coming back despite that hatred and they would show up and be there. That’s what makes us different.

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