Sometimes people get offended by my motives. Sometimes they get upset when I make a post. There are some who I’m sure feel guilt or remorse over what has happened in their life and some who feel they can’t take it back. However, there are those who had your back some of which were in a town I didn’t know about until yesterday.
A lot happened in those high school days 20 + years ago. Some people I made peace with especially one many years ago, he turned his life around and was happy. And I appreciated that. Some people realize that an enemy might be someone you can hate or despise, but they are someone you can learn from. I’ve learn a lot from my enemies the past few years. My only wish was I couldn’t help my own true enemy which was myself.
The nature of the Wolfman Joe turned into something I didn’t anticipate and I lived it up, but leaving the party, I always was emptier as if something had died. I always felt we all lost time that we can’t get back. I had some memorable moments last night and they were with some of my friends in school at the reunion not mentioning names, but you know who you are. Some that I’ve known and some that I never got a chance to introduce myself to before.
I didn’t ask for my talents in life, I might have had that passion in net and I thank those who stuck who for me that I didn’t know about in school. All I saw back then was a few targeted people then who were making my life a living hell in school, it wasn’t against the people who were looking out for me because there were people looking out for me. I know in my posts it seemed there was everyone who didn’t look out for my best interest, but that is not true. But when you have a few targeted people against you it seems like everyone.
Things didn’t get better for me until Sophmore year, but I always felt like a fool in school, I felt some people wanted me to be something I wasn’t, but as Nikolai Volkoff did with the Russian gimmick when he despised Russia, I did the same and embraced something that I hated, but was it ever best for me. But who did I hate more the me that had fun or the bookworm who tried to excel in what I did and be great at it.
What I really wanted to be is the one who stood up for others, but I wasn’t that person in school, I was the kid who everyone stuck up for. And I was the kid who was so far in his world it didn’t matter. I still am, but I’m more intuned with others and feel what they feel call me an empath. That is why I am ready to fall for every woman I meet. I see there struggle and want to help, but where has it got me.
When I was in high school I liked the shows of Sliders, Due South and The Highlander. That is why I did a tribute to Duncan (Adrian Paul) at the reunion. It was for those who knew me in school. I was a fan of Martial Arts and The Highlander I raved about it. It always impressed me how he went in different times to go in history to remember what needed to be corrected. That is why I liked Quantum Leap. I feel I needed a lot of correcting to do, but I forgot the most important thing and that was to allow myself to be human.
I came from Catholic School going into a Public High School it was culture shock. I held strongly beliefs of my old school, but society has changed and when the scandal happened I stopped going as many. They don’t even practice what they used to anymore, but I left in time. I remember the old beliefs and now there is confusion in the churches which is my take.
I struggled and tried my best to fit in, but my biggest battle wasn’t with everyone, it was with myself. And when you fight yourself you don’t win unless you fight with your heart and soul and later on your work becomes your drug. Your work is something to do to kill your pain you have inside. It helps you from feeling that pain that I have inside my head.
I experienced a lot of pain and anxiety. I didn’t say it because they were willing to lock me up for it, but I wished not to be on this earth because the pain I faced inside my head or what I witnessed was bad.
Now I speak what’s on my mind, it is the only way I can be freed. I have to let all my pain and misery out no matter where it goes. It is as if it is a cleansing process and I believe we are all going through it.
We fight to stay true and we fight to live even fight to die, we even fight to be free, but were we actually free?
I know I am freed of my curse today or at least if it continues I will have the support and I will not fight alone. And if I am the Lone Wolf let me meet my mate and we can be free once again.