Our thoughts decide what we are going to think about. Our thoughts decide what illnesses we have and our thoughts will decide if we will wind up with someone or we will wind up with no one. Our thoughts decide what universe we will create. Our thoughts even decide what universe we will destroy.

Life is hard especially when your told you may have Cancer in two weeks due to issue of testicular masses, but I will stand. I had a cruel world try to destroy me in everyway, but I still stand, my ego has been bruised many times, but they don’t know the essence of my name Joseph Evaldi. I shouldn’t have to suffer because of my name Joseph. I shouldn’t have to suffer from the worlds problem when it was a burden I picked up from birth.

Sometimes when I go to the bar, I feel as if I am invisible to women and I don’t exist, because in some ways I don’t. My spirit is old. I remember who I have been in this world and if something is going to destroy me I caused my own pain. So I am not going to let it destroy me.

I will fight with every fiber of my soul to win before anything is found because I know my outcome and I know why I caused my pain and I shouldn’t have to suffer any more from my own doing. I have caused pain on myself many years lifetimes over for sins I can’t repair and I have tried in this lifetime. I am told I have to forgive myself with the pain and I do, but the weight is there. Many understand, but I haven’t been given that blessing from God.

Despite God saying he has blessed me. Well I’m asking God forgive me and heal me. I can’t change what has been done before and I don’t think I could.

We all need healing. That’s why we all are here now and we are supposed to watch as this world suffers, while we suffer. I know suffering is a predicament, but where is the sense of victory. This is a prayer. I know medication will decide, but I need to be blessed. I need for my life to turn around.


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