There was a time this week where I was losing in the battle. I was having anxiety overcome me and I was not the person who I aspired to. But it took a few people to remind me who I am and although you try to move on from the past the past haunts you. Eventually you have to be willing to face the past and hit it dead on and rise above that enemy.
Do we know who we are as we go through life from job to job, relationship to relationship. When we see that we truly want someone we can’t have. And sometimes we might feel we are alone in the battlefield, but we have to find the enemy and embrace it. We have so much to offer even if we don’t know it.
Basically I am not writing any more to make it big anymore. I am writing for my soul existence. it might be late at night and I will be out in public or anything I will write do a Facebook Live, a Podcast, read if I have to, exercise. I will fight and I will die trying if I have to. Doing this no one understands is survival for me. I lost my way before and I was starting to give up in the battle, but after encouraging words from a friend I’m driven more so then ever before and I should not give up that battle if I should and we all shouldn’t we all should be willing to fight to make that ultimate sacrifice.
In a way this has become my religion and not because I am against any authorities of the church or faith. But to me you got to fight at any cost and never say die. You have to be willing to rise above any challenge that is faced and even though people in this world have lost hope and I even lost hope, you can never quit. You might lose battle time after time, but you have to be willing to challenge and fight. You have to be willing to pour all your heart and live and don’t look back.
Your philosophy might be wrong as mine has been many times this year, but you fight and keep trying. You fight until you get it right. You might get knocked down many times and might find criticism and you might have whatever attack you or those around you rise up and be a leader of the cause you believe in. People might tell you what is right to do, but follow your own heart even if it is wrong. And you may face defeat, criticism, and you might even lose in the battle and you might have been told not to do it by everyone, but you will learn from that experience. You will learn and grow from life.
Words may get misconstrued all the time, but at times when you lost your way, you really need to listen. Because it’s that advice at that given moment that can change your life and give you the will to fight and pick up that sword again. It helps make matters clear. You might have heard that advice a thousand times from other people, but never listen, but you find Solitude in one’s advice that helps you make sense of you and the world.
If everyone knows I write with emotion. I dig down inside and I write and convey that feeling. My opinions of love might have been the fairy tale version, but I wrote on the euphoria of love, but their is more to it which I realized this year.
I came out of my relationship that I was in for 6 years and I wanted that fairy tale to exist, but it turned into a nightmare. And rather I realized it or not I had been going through the symptoms of breakup all over again and had gone through withdrawal.
But you need support. You can’t rush into anything when your defenses are down as I realized. But it’s a matter of building yourself strong and not letting life defeat you when you are weak, you might lose battles, but you have to fight it to the bloody core and take it on even if it kills you and I am going to do it even if it kills me.